Valentine’s Day was a total bust for me, which is why you guys didn’t hear from me for a while. But I’m back—full force—and things are back on track!
And today I’m in such a good mood. Business is good. I went for a long run this morning and I feel great! I have awesome friends—the real kind—who genuinely care about me. Oh… and it’s FRIDAY!
So today I wanted to talk about that elated feeling you get when all that frustrating dating finally pays off. You know the one… the feeling you thought you would never feel again because your heart broke so bad.
But now you’re back! Happier than ever, right?
But wait… like my friend Cindy always says, “Relationships are tricky”.
Getting to know someone new can be a rocky process. There are some things you will do wrong without even realizing it. And your new partner may annoy you in ways you never even thought of.
Relax. It’s cool. This is what I call the 3-month phase. It’s the puppy love phase; full of insecurities, impatience, lessons about the other person and realizations about yourself you never recognized before.
So don’t dwell on your good mood without making the most of this puppy love phase. Here’s how.
Sure, you’re in a good mood today. But things have a way of switching fast. Being on top of the world today doesn’t guarantee you’ll feel the same tomorrow.
Appreciating what you have is a good way to keep up your “happiness momentum”. If you’re reading this right now, contact the people in your life who are responsible—directly or indirectly—for your happiness.
If it’s that awesome new guy you’re dating, send him a message and let him know how great he is. If it’s your wife or fiancé—TELL HER RIGHT NOW that she’s the love of your life and you couldn’t possibly imagine life without her.
Appreciating someone is like investing in your future happiness. It’s good to let people know that they are appreciated because it lets them know that you notice their efforts.
Don’t think just because you’re in the beginning phase of a relationship that it doesn’t take hard work. You both have to keep things together.
Again, this is an investment. What you do now will affect your relationship later. Build a good foundation and be consistent; and you’ll set yourself up for success.
Here are some ways to do this:
I never had the pleasure of meeting my dad’s grandparents. But I heard many stories about their relationship, and I’ve always wanted what they had.
My great grandfather used to bring his wife a cup of tea in bed every single morning for their entire marriage—which was approximately 50 years. They had 7 children, but he never stopped this little sign of devotion to his wife. What a guy, right!?
When my great grandmother died, her husband was heartbroken. And little over a month later, he passed away too. I know they’re together right now—and I know they’re still best friends.
Create one good habit and resolve to carry this habit out perpetually. Bring her a cup of tea in bed every morning. Bring him a chocolate croissant from the bakery next to your work. Send her a cute meme that tells her how you feel. It’s the little things, people.
Making an Effort
Sometimes a relationship can seem one-sided. Perhaps you’re with someone who does most—or all—of the driving. Or perhaps you’re the one doing all the cooking; or picking up the tab when the two of you eat out.
You must watch this video about how we’ve become a generation who no longer wants to WORK at a relationship. Someone once told me that a healthy relationship is all about filling the gaps. If they’re cooking, you could wash the dishes. If they’re driving far to take you out, you could offer to pay for a post-dinner movie.
Further into your relationship you’ll find other ways to ‘fill the gaps’. Perhaps your partner forgets to close the windows at night. Don’t let it annoy you; close them yourself. There’ll be things you do—or don’t do—that may need some gap filling as well.
So start NOW while things are still fresh. Show your partner that you’re willing to make as much effort as they are. Show them that you’re invested. It’s worth it.
Most of us know about the five love languages:
- Acts of Service
Make a point of finding out what your new partner’s love language is. Work hard at loving them the way they interpret love.
A romantic gesture doesn’t have to be something extravagant or expensive.
- Write her a letter
- Surprise him with a cooked meal
- Cancel your plans to spend the weekend with him
- Tell her 13 times a day that you’re thinking of her
- Give her a random kiss or a hug from behind when she least expects it
- Buy him something nice you know he’ll like
Remember that different people interpret love differently. Make an effort to love your partner the way they appreciate most.
Listening is easier for some than others, and it’s definitely one way to express your love. So LISTEN UP!
I find women who listen well extremely attractive. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking, but when I do I want to be heard.
Ever heard the saying, “Listen to hear, not to respond”? This article sums up perfectly how real listening takes place. Most people want to feel heard without the other person’s opinion or advice.
When your partner is talking, take note of what they’re saying. Take note of your own body language. Don’t give off the impression that you’re bored. And even if you are, snap out of it and pay attention. It will mean a lot to your partner that you took the time to actually listen, ask questions and refer to past conversations.
The puppy love phase can be a messy process when you’re getting to know someone. Communicating well is the only way you’re going to get down to and past the nitty gritty.
If something is bothering you, take some time to talk to your partner about it. Do so calmly—and let them know that it’s not personal. The weirdest things annoy people. it’s up to you to tell your new partner what your pet hates are in a relationship.
Build a foundation of good communication for when you two have been together for years or even decades. No one can read your mind, so be with someone you find it easy to relate your hang ups to.
Here are the benefits of improved communication:
- Less fighting
- A stronger sense of being present in the relationship
- Improved intimacy
- Better problem solving
- A stronger bond
Remember this Moment
The puppy love phase will pass. And that’s okay too. Later in the relationship you will learn to love your partner more deeply—and in ways you can’t right now.
Keep record of highlights in your relationship. Save screenshots of your chat conversations. Save the pictures. Save the letters. Save the love memes.
Some day you may need to remind yourself of how in love you were during the puppy love phase—and you may need to remind your partner of the same.
So keep it all. Remember this moment when you felt so elated over finding someone you like so much. Life goes by so fast, and living in this moment is one of the best ways to appreciate what you’ve found in that special someone.
Thanks for reading and good luck out there!